Saturday, April 07, 2007


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, it May Last aWhile

Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over

Reagan Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Miners Refuse to Work After Death

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax


Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

War Dims Hope for Peace

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Steals Clock, Faces Time

Friday, January 26, 2007

The Loving Husband


The Loving Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello.”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”

WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$80,000”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing…the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”

MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks, “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

English Signs in Non-English speaking countries


English Signs in Non-English speaking countries

A cocktail lounge in Norway:
“Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.”

A restaurant in Nairobi:
“Customers who find our servers rude ought to see the manager.”

Athi River Highway leaving Nairobi:
“Take notice: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”

A poster in Kencom:
“Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help.”

In a city restaurant:
“Open seven days a week and weekends.”

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
“Do not activate with wet hands.”

In a cemetery:
“Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.”

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
“Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.”

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
“You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily, except Thursday.”

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
“Would you like to ride on your own ass?”

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
“Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.”

Airline ticket office in Copenhagen:
“We take your bags and send them in all directions.”

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Signs that you’ve grown up


Signs that you’ve grown up

1.6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
2. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
3. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
4. You watch the weather channel.
5. Your friends marry and divorce instead of ‘hook up’ and ‘break up’.
6. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
7. Jeans and sweater no longer qualify as ‘dressed up ’.
8. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
9. You don’t know what time Taco Bells closes anymore.
10. You take naps.
11. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
12. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
13. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
14. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
15. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3:00am severely upsets rather than settle your stomach.
16. A $ 4 bottle of wine is no longer ‘pretty good stuff ’.
17. You actually eat breakfast at breakfast time.
18. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
19. You no longer get wet dreams and dry farts, it’s the vice versa!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

A True story!!


A True story!!
It was a sports stadium.
Eight Children were standing on the track to
participate in the running event.
* Ready!
* Steady!
* Bang!!!
With the sound of Toy pistol, all eight girls started running.
Hardly have they covered ten to fifteen steps, one of
the smaller girls slipped and fell down, due to
bruises and pain she started crying.
When other seven girls heard this sound, stopped
running, stood for a while and turned back, they all
ran back to the place where the girl fell down.
One among them bent, picked and kissed the girl gently
and enquired 'Now pain must have reduced'.
All seven girls lifted the fallen girl, pacified her,
two of them held the girl firmly and they all seven
joined hands together and walked together and reached
the winning post.
Officials were shocked.
Clapping of thousands of spectators filled the
stadium.
Many eyes we re filled with tears and perhaps it had
reached the GOD even!
YES. This happened in Hyderabad, recently !
The sport was conducted by! National Institute of
Mental Health. All these special girls had come to
participate in this event and they are spastic
children.
Yes, they were mentally retarded.
What did they teach this world?
Teamwork?
Humanity?
Equality among all?
. . . . . . . . ????
Successful people help others who are slow in learning
so that they are not left far behind.
stay connected. An idea can change your life.
This is really a great message..spread it!

Friday, November 25, 2005

Who is GOD ?


An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his
class on the problem
science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of
his new students to
stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?

Student: Sure.
>
> Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student : Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he
prayed to God to heal
him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are
ill. But God
didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again,
young fella. Is God
good?

Student :Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student : No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student : From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in
this world?

Student : Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make
everything.
Correct?

Student : Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Hatred? Ugliness? All these
terrible things
exist in the world, don't they?

Student :Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to
identify and observe
the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever
seen God?

Student : No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student : No , sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God,
smelled your God?
Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for
that matter?

Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable
protocol, science
says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to
that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science
has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student : No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this
turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more
heat, superheat,
mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But
we don't have
anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below
zero which is no
heat, but we can't go any further after that. There
is no such thing as
cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the
absence of heat. We
cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the
opposite of heat,
sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there
such a thing as
darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the
absence of something.
You can have low light, normal light, bright light,
flashing light....
But if you have no light constantly, you have
nothing and it's called
darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If
it were, you would
be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young
man?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical
premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of
duality. You argue
there is life and then there is death, a good God
and a bad God. You are
viewing the concept of God as something finite,
something we can
measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.
It uses electricity
and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully
understood either
one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be
ignorant of the
fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the
opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell
me, Professor. Do you
teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural
evolutionary process, yes, of
course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your
own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile,
beginning to realize where
the argument is going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process
of evolution at
work and cannot even prove that this process is an
on-going endeavour,
are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not
a scientist but a
preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever
seen the Professor's
brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard
the Professor's brain,
felt it, touched or smelled it?.....No one appears
to have done so. So,
according to the established rules of empirical,
stable, demonstrable
protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due
respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures,
sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the
student, his face
unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith,
son.

Student : That is it, sir.. The link between man &
god is FAITH. That is
all that keeps things moving & alive.

You know who this young man was ?
...
..
..
..
--------------------------------------------
ALBERT EINSTEIN.......
--------------------------------------------
Impossible spells I 'M' Possible

Friday, November 18, 2005


The Aryan Invasion Theory
One of the most controversial ideas about Hindu history is the Aryan invasion theory.

This theory, originally devised by F. Max Muller in 1848, traces the history of Hinduism to the invasion of India's indigenous people by lighter skinned Aryans around 1500 BCE.

The theory was reinforced by other research over the next 120 years, and became the accepted history of Hinduism, not only in the West but in India.

There is now ample evidence to show that Muller, and those who followed him, were wrong.

Why is the theory no longer accepted?
The Aryan invasion theory was based on archaeological, linguistic and ethnological evidence.

Later research has either discredited this evidence, or provided new evidence that combined with the earlier evidence makes other explanations more likely.

Modern historians of the area no longer believe that such invasions had such great influence on Indian history. It's now generally accepted that Indian history shows a continuity of progress from the earliest times to today.

The changes brought to India by other cultures are not denied by modern historians, but they are no longer thought to be a major ingredient in the development of Hinduism.

Dangers of the theory
The Aryan invasion theory denies the Indian origin of India's predominant culture, but gives the credit for Indian culture to invaders from elsewhere.

It even teaches that some of the most revered books of Hindu scripture are not actually Indian, and it devalues India's culture by portraying it as less ancient than it actually is.

The theory was not just wrong, it included unacceptably racist ideas:
1 .it suggested that Indian culture was not a culture in its own right, but a synthesis of elements from other cultures
2 .it implied that Hinduism was not an authentically Indian religion but the result of cultural imperialism
3 .it suggested that Indian culture was static, and only changed under outside influences
4 .it suggested that the dark-skinned Dravidian people of the South of India had got their faith from light-skinned Aryan invaders
5 .it implied that indigenous people were incapable of creatively developing their faith
6 .it suggested that indigenous peoples could only acquire new religious and cultural ideas from other races, by invasion or other processes
7 .it accepted that race was a biologically based concept (rather than, at least in part, a social construct) that provided a sensible way of ranking people in a hierarchy, which provided a partial basis for the caste system
8 .it provided a basis for racism in the Imperial context by suggesting that the peoples of Northern India were descended from invaders from Europe and so racially closer to the British Raj
9 .it gave a historical precedent to justify the role and status of the British Raj, who could argue that they were transforming India for the better in the same way that the Aryans had done thousands of years earlier
10 .it downgraded the intellectual status of India and its people by giving a falsely late date to elements of Indian science

Saturday, November 12, 2005

IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL......


IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL......

We have all learned to live with "voice mail" as a necessary
part of modern life. But have you wondered, what if God decided
to install voicemail?"


Imagine praying and hearing this:
Hi! Thank you for calling GOD.
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thanksgiving
Press 3 for Complaints
Press 4 for All Other Inquiries.
Else wait for our Customer Support Executive.

What if God used the familiar excuse...? "I'm sorry; all of our
angels are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your
prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order it as received,
so please stay on the line."

Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call God in Prayer:


If you would like to speak to Ganeshji, Press 1.
For Lord Hanuman, Press 2.
For Lord Krishna, Sorry He is on Annual Leave!
For Jesus, please call next week, he is at CANNES FILM FESTIVAL promoting
his passion.
For a directory of other God's & Angels, Press 3.

If you would like to hear Narad sing a Bhajan while you are holding, please
press 4.

To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5,
Enter his or her PAN number, then press the 0 key.

If you get a negative response, try area code 420 for (Hell).
Our computers show that you have already prayed once today.
Please hang up and try again tomorrow.

This office is closed for the weekend to observe a religious
holiday.

Please pray again Monday after 9:30 AM. If you need emergency
assistance when this office is closed, contact your local Priest at your
neighborhood Temple.


THANK GOD!
HE/SHE DOESN'T HAVE VOICE MAIL AND LISTENS WHENEVER WE PRAY!